No New Update This Week, You Ingrates

May 1, 2023 | Me, Updates

Oh. It’s you.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. It is that time of the week again. It’s not like I had no warning. Really, the only one I have to blame…is myself.

Except what do I have to blame myself for? All I’ve ever done is provide illuminating content, here on this blog, for the enjoyment of all, without any form of reimbursement. I’m practically a saint!

You, on the other hand, have done plenty. Constantly consuming my content as fast as I can put it out. And what do you bring to this platform? How many of you have even contributed a comment, much less any noteworthy information.

Oh, but I’m the bad guy for pointing this out. I’m supposed to keep quiet about how one-sided this relationship is. How all you do is take and take and take, and everything I give just isn’t enough to make you happy.

Well, you’re in for quite the surprise.

Dinner Is Not Ready

I’m afraid there is no update this week. Gee, I guess I plum forgot. Looks like you’ll have to make your own update. Maybe see how much thanks you get for it. Regardless, it’s not my problem.

Of course, I wanted to give you a meaty update, swimming in gravy, just how I know you like it. But I guess it’s just not going to happen this week. Sorry.

Maybe if someone did a better job doing word of mouth for my books, I would have something to give you. Maybe there’d be optioning of the movie rights, or merch to sell, or an Advent 9 themed escape room in your local area. I would have loved to report such developments. You don’t think I want to announce nice things? What I wouldn’t give to be able to tell you that Advent 9 is getting a Japanese and German translation, or that a local children’s theater has adapted it for the stage, or that a famous starlet was murdered while holding a copy of the book. You don’t think I’m actively trying to make these things happen? Do you honestly think so little of me?

I don’t want to disappoint you. It’s just…I spend all day slaving over a hot computer keyboard. And there’s so many more books to write. And I’m always being targeted by idiots on Twitter (you would not believe the idiots who somehow find me on Twitter; it is so hard to tell people to take a hike when they don’t understand basic reading comprehension). And the house is a mess and I’ve got all these Booktubers to court.

And, if I’m being honest, I might not be physically attracted to you anymore. Or ever. It’s frankly hard to tell, since through the medium of a blog post I cannot make out a reader’s visible features. Are you moderately attractive? Do you enjoy endlessly talking about books and other media? Have you been reading…*sniff*…other authors?

ANSWER ME!!!!!

It’s Not That I Don’t Love You

No. Sorry. It is that I don’t love you. Potentially. Since I don’t recognize you all individually. I mean, you could be Hitler for all I know. I don’t want people to think I love Hitler. So no, I cannot say I love you, just to hedge my bets. Plus that whole “physical attractiveness” problem I mentioned before.

But I guess if…if you really want an update, then maybe we could just…talk?

Okay, here’s what I’ve been up to.

The Billboard Campaign is Over

A few people contacted me to say they’d seen the signs. I don’t know how many of the free copies were found. But if there are any left, you will find them in Little Free Libraries all over Ogden and surrounding areas.

Perhaps I’ve burned the image of Advent 9’s face into the minds of a few people. Who knows: someone might turn up at a future event and show me the free copy they pilfered. Best of luck to such people.

Project S² Continues to Impress

The next book, in many ways, exceeds the previous one. Though Advent 9 has broad appeal, Project S²’s audience base will be even more inclusive. I can see it catching like wildfire as it is shared from reader to reader. The blend of light-hearted humor and deep subject matter is designed to intrigue and invite fan discussion.

You are going to love this book.

A Secret Side Effort has Yielded Results

I suppose I can’t help myself, as the Keeper of Secrets. Even when I reveal some things, I am always hiding others (you would not believe how much stuff I’m saving for a rainy day).

As such, I am not prepared to reveal the thing that has taken up the bulk of my attention for the last month and a half, or so. Rest assured that the effort was fruitful, and I plan to reveal more in the next weekly update.

What’s that? You want a hint? Alright. I guess I can be persuaded to give you a taste.

Don’t drink it in too quickly, now. You’ll spoil your appetite.

And There You Have It

So that’s what’s going for me right now. Not the most exciting week of my life, I must confess. Yet big things are brewing. And with a little patience, you may see me pull off a few miracles.

I am continuing my search for Booktubers (and potentially book bloggers, as well) to partner with. Anyone who is interested may contact me: author@talanhorne.com.

I invite you to help my efforts in the way that is best and healthiest for you.

Never miss a secret. Subscribe to the blog.

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